Hello everyone,

Where do I start?

As of yesterday, I have completed my first year of graduate architecture school. I've been struggling not only with the ridiculous amount of coursework, but something that I've kept to myself for years. I'm not sure if it's just the city culture or something in the air, but moving out here to San Francisco made me realize so many things about myself; things that I've never felt comfortable telling anyone. I fell into a state of depression for a bit because I didn't know what I was going to do. I first told one of my sisters, which was great, but what I was really worried about was telling my parents. All of my life I've done my best to please them, and I was scared about what they would think. I finally told them and much to my shock, they were very accepting! We had a long discussion and it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now it's just up to me to decide what the best choices will be. I've always been ambivalent about life decisions, so this process is going about sloooooowly.

I've never seen so many people cry in my life than the people I've met at grad school. Heck, I've cried too. A lot of the friends I've made (and myself) weren't prepared for the workload. Many times I've slept under my desk at school...sometimes I'd stay at school for days just working. Students had pillows, blankets, mats, toothbrushes and bath soap at their school desk because we really weren't able to leave with all the work we were given. Most importantly, I wasn't having fun. I dreaded the 4-hour critiques in my studio, I disliked my classes (the teachers are great though), and I felt like I was dragging myself through somewhere I didn't need to be.

There have been times I've been lonely too. This sounds strange since I live with two housemates and have a lot of friends at school..I don't understand it. I've never felt this way until I moved out here, and I really don't know what to make of it. I've always been fine on riding on the company of my family, friends and peers, but...I don't know nowadays.

I've talked to a few people, and what it boils down to is just to set some time aside to THINK. "Eat, pray, love," I guess is the right thing to say. I plan on traveling to London in late August...other than that, my summer plans are interning. I don't know...the future isn't as clear as it used to be for me. As of now, I just really want to get back to the things I enjoy. It's not to say I haven't done interesting things in the meantime. Architecture school has taught me a ton. It's just that I've been missing out on the small, simple things since I started school.

TL;DR: I had a good cry and  now I'm going to start drawing again.